I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
