whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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