So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
