I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
