I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
