y did u give ur computer a hand job?
another moral hangover. fuck.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Terrible idea I love it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
