Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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