Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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