i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
