I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
