she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I love you.
Bad choice
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
