you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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