i will never coherently bang her
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She even gives head with a lisp.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
