Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
