dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
