Just fell off a train. Bad.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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