The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
