If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
