i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
