She said her name was "party"
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
