Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
wat bout pragnant strippers??
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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