Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
