her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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