Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the condom got lost in my hair
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
