Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
