We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
