Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
