Where did you get a picture of my penis
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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