Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
