Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
