she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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