This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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