wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Randomize
