Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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