oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
