One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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