his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
