are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
