if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
