The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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