Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
