Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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