You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
pray to the hookup gods
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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