He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
