I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was like getting head from an anaconda
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just pee around me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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