buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
