Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
