So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
