were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
