Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
did i walk over a car last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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